What are FRIENDS??????

Life can be difficult when you hit a brick wall. So I have been told over and over again that we all come up against obstacles that, once we have overcome them, makes us stronger.


What can I say? Everyone else knows about my life better than I do!

Hands up everyone that has been heartbroken?! I mean truly heartbroken. My husband and I parted ways at the beginning of this year; I am still a mess. I suppose it is about bloody time that I get over it but I am just not. I suppose I better back up the train a little and explain myself in more detail, give you all a background story.
I am 26 and was born with a disorder called Hydrocephalus its a case of having too much Cerebral Spinal Fluid (or CSF) accumulated around and inside the brain. This can be caused but a few things but long story short it means that my body needs help draining that fluid away from the brain so the doctors inserted a shunt. A shunt is a small plastic tube with a valve at one or both ends thus draining the fluid away from the brain and into the a small space in the abdomen. Well now I have explained that I can carry on with my story so where was I?
Thats right, my husband and I loved each other very much. I got married to him two months before my 21st birthday followed by a beautiful honeymoon on the Gold Coast in Australia. Things were going pretty good until my husband fell sick with chemical poisoning and could no longer work. I am a pretty strong woman so this didnt worry me too much I was just more concerned for the welfare of my husband. That was until I started to get sick also. A few years later and more struggles with the medical system and finally I got the help I needed but without my husband. He had had enough of the sickness and well I guess enough of me. I stuck around everytime he said he no longer wanted to be in the relationship but when he told me he was not going to with me during my 2 lots of brain surgery I left. I don't know if it was the right or wrong thing to do but I knew that my illness probably will flair up again in the future and what would he do then? I need a supportive husband.
Once we had parted I moved back to my home town and stayed with a friend for a few days. That was by far long enough for them and told me to go. Friendships should be stronger than that I had nowhere to go so I stayed with another friend, an old friend from High School, one that was not supposed to be so close. During the next few months I strayed, I went clubbing every night there were crowds out and hooked up with guys that I didnt know, tried drugs I never tried and drank more than I should. I was a wreck, eventually trying to kill myself. All that time there were no friends around to stop me or help me, I was alone. My family loved me from afar but no one else. I have "friends" that I have known from childhood or even from birth and they were the most absent of all. It has now been 10 mths, I am with a man who loves me but I am still a bit of a mess and still no friends. What is friendship about? I have literally done everything I could for my friends, interventions, walking long distances to help them, counselled them constantly but obviously I am not worthy for a friend like me. Obviously I am not good enough, or cool enough, or fun enough to have a friend that will help me through the toughest storms.

NO FRIENDS next me helping me along the way. So this a call for a real friend. It has been 10mths and no one has been there by my side to help me and I am a mess....I do not need another Fair Weather Friend thank you very much!