Tuesday, December 9, 2008
Lightbulb Moment.
Finally I know what I am supposed to do. I don't know the timing, what it's going to look like, how it's going to function but I know one of the things that God has placed in my life. Women and men that have been hurt and abused that having the hurt fester in their hearts to lead them down roads they should be going down. With Gods help I will guide and guard them.
Saturday, December 6, 2008
What are FRIENDS??????
Life can be difficult when you hit a brick wall. So I have been told over and over again that we all come up against obstacles that, once we have overcome them, makes us stronger.
What can I say? Everyone else knows about my life better than I do!
Hands up everyone that has been heartbroken?! I mean truly heartbroken. My husband and I parted ways at the beginning of this year; I am still a mess. I suppose it is about bloody time that I get over it but I am just not. I suppose I better back up the train a little and explain myself in more detail, give you all a background story.
I am 26 and was born with a disorder called Hydrocephalus its a case of having too much Cerebral Spinal Fluid (or CSF) accumulated around and inside the brain. This can be caused but a few things but long story short it means that my body needs help draining that fluid away from the brain so the doctors inserted a shunt. A shunt is a small plastic tube with a valve at one or both ends thus draining the fluid away from the brain and into the a small space in the abdomen. Well now I have explained that I can carry on with my story so where was I?
Thats right, my husband and I loved each other very much. I got married to him two months before my 21st birthday followed by a beautiful honeymoon on the Gold Coast in Australia. Things were going pretty good until my husband fell sick with chemical poisoning and could no longer work. I am a pretty strong woman so this didnt worry me too much I was just more concerned for the welfare of my husband. That was until I started to get sick also. A few years later and more struggles with the medical system and finally I got the help I needed but without my husband. He had had enough of the sickness and well I guess enough of me. I stuck around everytime he said he no longer wanted to be in the relationship but when he told me he was not going to with me during my 2 lots of brain surgery I left. I don't know if it was the right or wrong thing to do but I knew that my illness probably will flair up again in the future and what would he do then? I need a supportive husband.
Once we had parted I moved back to my home town and stayed with a friend for a few days. That was by far long enough for them and told me to go. Friendships should be stronger than that I had nowhere to go so I stayed with another friend, an old friend from High School, one that was not supposed to be so close. During the next few months I strayed, I went clubbing every night there were crowds out and hooked up with guys that I didnt know, tried drugs I never tried and drank more than I should. I was a wreck, eventually trying to kill myself. All that time there were no friends around to stop me or help me, I was alone. My family loved me from afar but no one else. I have "friends" that I have known from childhood or even from birth and they were the most absent of all. It has now been 10 mths, I am with a man who loves me but I am still a bit of a mess and still no friends. What is friendship about? I have literally done everything I could for my friends, interventions, walking long distances to help them, counselled them constantly but obviously I am not worthy for a friend like me. Obviously I am not good enough, or cool enough, or fun enough to have a friend that will help me through the toughest storms.
NO FRIENDS next me helping me along the way. So this a call for a real friend. It has been 10mths and no one has been there by my side to help me and I am a mess....I do not need another Fair Weather Friend thank you very much!
What can I say? Everyone else knows about my life better than I do!
Hands up everyone that has been heartbroken?! I mean truly heartbroken. My husband and I parted ways at the beginning of this year; I am still a mess. I suppose it is about bloody time that I get over it but I am just not. I suppose I better back up the train a little and explain myself in more detail, give you all a background story.
I am 26 and was born with a disorder called Hydrocephalus its a case of having too much Cerebral Spinal Fluid (or CSF) accumulated around and inside the brain. This can be caused but a few things but long story short it means that my body needs help draining that fluid away from the brain so the doctors inserted a shunt. A shunt is a small plastic tube with a valve at one or both ends thus draining the fluid away from the brain and into the a small space in the abdomen. Well now I have explained that I can carry on with my story so where was I?
Thats right, my husband and I loved each other very much. I got married to him two months before my 21st birthday followed by a beautiful honeymoon on the Gold Coast in Australia. Things were going pretty good until my husband fell sick with chemical poisoning and could no longer work. I am a pretty strong woman so this didnt worry me too much I was just more concerned for the welfare of my husband. That was until I started to get sick also. A few years later and more struggles with the medical system and finally I got the help I needed but without my husband. He had had enough of the sickness and well I guess enough of me. I stuck around everytime he said he no longer wanted to be in the relationship but when he told me he was not going to with me during my 2 lots of brain surgery I left. I don't know if it was the right or wrong thing to do but I knew that my illness probably will flair up again in the future and what would he do then? I need a supportive husband.
Once we had parted I moved back to my home town and stayed with a friend for a few days. That was by far long enough for them and told me to go. Friendships should be stronger than that I had nowhere to go so I stayed with another friend, an old friend from High School, one that was not supposed to be so close. During the next few months I strayed, I went clubbing every night there were crowds out and hooked up with guys that I didnt know, tried drugs I never tried and drank more than I should. I was a wreck, eventually trying to kill myself. All that time there were no friends around to stop me or help me, I was alone. My family loved me from afar but no one else. I have "friends" that I have known from childhood or even from birth and they were the most absent of all. It has now been 10 mths, I am with a man who loves me but I am still a bit of a mess and still no friends. What is friendship about? I have literally done everything I could for my friends, interventions, walking long distances to help them, counselled them constantly but obviously I am not worthy for a friend like me. Obviously I am not good enough, or cool enough, or fun enough to have a friend that will help me through the toughest storms.
NO FRIENDS next me helping me along the way. So this a call for a real friend. It has been 10mths and no one has been there by my side to help me and I am a mess....I do not need another Fair Weather Friend thank you very much!
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