The Truth about Food

I am generally one of those people that come up with my best posts by letting process as I write so here I am processing, bear with me.  I had a conversation with a friend today about, well, so many things that have already been on my mind quite a bit.  You see I am not one of those people that take one thing at a time, run at it till I am satisfied with how I am and what I believe, then move onto the next situation/problem/topic/quandary.  I tend to have all these things at once hitting my mind, then I physically feel them, taste thing, and emotionally it hits me as I sort through each and every word and idea that has to do with that subject, and that subject reminds me of another and I do the same with that one.  Then that subject reminds me yet of another and so it goes on.  I would be a lot more simple if I could come up with solutions for all these things and fix them, but I don't I have ideas.

So anyway, where was I.  A friend and I were talking about a few things that have been on my mind.  One is food.  I have had a bad relationship with food for as long as I remember.  

I have tried, over and over again to fix this relationship to something I feel it should be, but having been that I can not remember a time, even as a child, that I had a healthy relationship with food I am uncertain of how to obtain that.  We were talking about our mothers who were always dieting and talking about food making food the center of our universe.  I am a grown woman and this has not changed.  I literally have a panic attack if I try and ignore a craving, I can suddenly start obsessing about exercise to counteract my relationship with food.  I find it hard to enjoy it and that saddens me.  It is a drug to me.  Now rather than just leaving it there I want to say something awesome.  I am not as I used to be with this, I used to be so obsessed that I used it as a self harm device.  I would punish myself by not eating for days and exercising until fatigued.  I would measure myself, grab at my rolls, I would stare in the mirror for hours.  What changed from then and now?  I now love my personality, I love so much of how God has made me and I am well on my way to loving how I look too.  This came through look at the Creator continuously.  By seeing what He has done for me and being thankful.  By realising that hating me is hating He who made me. It is telling myself how amazing I am even when as I did so I wanted to vomit and spit and cry and scream.  I did some of those things, you have no idea how much hate I held for myself.  Tomorrow I am meeting a person about writing a book and then joining the gym even though I have little money.  I am proud of what I am doing to change myself.  The thing is I believe everyone can start to love themselves too.  There is no one that can not begin that progression toward a belief in themselves, even if you really don't want to, just do it.  No matter how much you hurt doing it, tell yourself you are worthy.

I know I said there were other things we talked about, but I think this is enough for now.
Don't forget that God don't make trash.  There is always beauty in what He makes, find that in yourself and tell yourself that truth over and over until you believe it.  The Truth will set you free.