Yup you read that right.
Question, when did sex become taboo? Why is it ok for the male of the human race to joke about it, but women get called crass or slutty? I want to talk about it. God made us with a sex drive, he made us want to enjoy sex, it's such a beautiful and exciting thing. So why can't many women talk about it without giggling and/or blushing in shame?
This is what I think. This post, there is no holding back.
First here is a story: I once sat in a youth group as a young teen where out of no where the youth leader starts talking about kissing. It was kind of random and it certainly caught me by surprise, at that point I believe I was 13 and I hadn't had my first kiss. She went on to talk to the girls about how we can not kiss with our tongues. Ok. I get it. Since then I have kissed with my tongue (pashed, frenched...whatever you call it), many times, I knew she was right. She went on to tell us that we should not do it or we will cause the guy we are kissing to want to have sex with us.
Good intentions, good advice, so what's the problem?
She took the girls aside.
From the age of 13 I learned that it was up to me to not lead on a man. That men's sex drives and thought lives were my responsibility to control. That men were victims to their own design.
Women need to keep boundaries, we need to understand ourselves and know what our limits are. We need to be strong and powerful and love ourselves by knowing who we are. Men need to do the same. Since when did Men's sexuality become Women's responsibility?
Since then I have had the same lesson in various forms. I am a woman, I have desirable parts to my body, I need to be very, very, very aware of those parts. More and more I was losing a battle with loving myself well. I have larger than average breasts and as a teen I was very slim so they were more prominent. I often got called a slut, in youth group, walking down the street, or even in my old baggy clothes, standing at a bustop I almost caused an accident as a man stared at my chest. So the church told me it was up to me to control their behaviour. It turned into a battle of my emotions and mind. I learned that my body was dirty and disgusting. I had eating disorder after eating disorder, punishing myself for the lie I believed. That I was man's dirty little pornstar, even if I did wear baggy clothing.
We need to change this mindset around. Men are powerful beings, they have the power to believe that they are more than their urges as do we. Men can be sweet, kind, loving and protective. They are awesome enough to help cultivate the beauty of a woman's body, by treating it with respect. I believe that. I have so much more to say about this topic and so many experiences, both good and bad to do with my sexuality.
These days I look at my body, now a plumper version of that teen girl, and choose to believe that it was wonderfully made, that my sexuality is beautiful and that I don't hold the responsibility of Man's sexuality.
